Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Feverish Thoughts

Its funny what 103 degree Fahrenheit does to your brain! It forces your brain to hallucinate - right from the senseless to the fascinating, from mundane to the horrifying. I remember I had a myriad of dreams (and nightmares) during one such feverish onslaught.

One of them I remember distinctly - because this is the one dream (actually a nightmare) that has a very real chance of becoming real!

As with any dream, this one started as a continuation to a sequence of nonsensical, unconnected visions, the details of which have since been obliterated from the depths of my memory. Alright, I will cut through the swathes of bullshit I have dished out thus far and finally come to the topic the title refers to.

The dream in question began roughly with me sitting in a classroom (even in a dream I sit in a classroom! sigh!) and actually its the Semester V exams. Guess which paper it is? No prizes for guessing - Mathematics V!

As dreams are, this one was operating in hyper-accelerated time-frames! Damn! Einstein's Relativity is so irrefutably true! What was 2mins in real time (eyes-open), was 2hrs in super-accelerated REM time!

The upshot of all this was that I had consumed two hours of time, (with one to go - for those who suck at Maths more than I do), and I was still 10 marks short of the magical 40! By "short of 40", I mean "questions attempted".

So there I was, at the end of two hours of normal time, perhaps at the end of extra time as well. Now, it was time for that game of Russian Roulette which has put many a footballing side to misery - penalty kicks. I had to now decide the Spot-Kick taking order. It seemed I had my job cut-out completely.

Yet, the task did not deter me. I forged ahead, assuring myself that nothing was lost. I formed equations in my mind. I put to use the many theories and formulae I had learnt by rote over the years. Simultaneous Equations, Calculus, etc started doing the rounds, as I tried to solve the vexing problem in question. Suddenly it struck me as a lightening bolt.

The problem of completing the remainder of my Maths paper within 1 hour was now a LPP and a problem of Optimization. That I would pass was a problem of Probability. In this LPP, the solution also enabled me to use every technique at my disposal to maximize my marks. As it was, the short and docile "Ma'm" doing the rounds as 'Supervisor' was incentive enough to even the most lousy copy-cats.

And surreal as dreams are, this one proved to be no exception. Just when I had regained the hope of solving my Maths paper by using Mathematical Analysis and unscrupolous implementations, my laborious plans were crushed by a cruel twist of fate.

Damn! Chaos Theory! I realised that I should hav taken into consideration the cruelty of Life's uncertainites and its Chaos, while I formed the equations. Because, there, in front of my eyes, was a Supervisory change. The docile Ma'm had been replaced by the ugly dickhead whom we call the Maths "teacher".

I banished all hope and resigned myself to the first K.T. of my illustrious (yea, call me pompous) career! 1 hour later, which in super-accelerated REM timeframe was half a minute, the bell rang and my pen was not any more drier than it was an hour ago.

It was at that point that I awoke with a start. I found that I was feeling lousier and weaker than ever. And the thermometer was proof that Maths is injurious to health! My fever had spiked because of this nightmare! I was feeling pretty much in the farthest corner of hell.

But if this nightmare spiked my fever, then it should come down with the realization and relief that it was just a dream, right? Wrong - I realized with chagrin! See, that wasnt a nightmare. Atleast, my brain didnt perceive it as one. It was more of a warning that the sincere side of my brain (or whatever is left of it) invoked and thats why it was so damn worrying.

I vowed to take the subject more seriously, but my enthusiasm didnt last very long. Faster that it takes to solve a lousy linear equation in one unknown, I was back to my old meandering self. I guess, the way I am, it takes more than one nightmare to awaken me (pun intended) :-)

PS : The dream was real. Some part of it has been invented and/or modified for creative purposes. And seriously, lets take Maths V seriously! Till the next time my brain conjures up such meaningless shit, which some of you undoubtedly are forced to read courtesy of your remote acquaintance with me, bbye! :-)

Fahrenheit 103!

No its not a new documentary from Michael Moore, neither is it the boiling point of some volatile chemical. It is infact the temperature I had over the course of the past couple of days of high fever. While it is not sufficient to sublimate stuff, it certainly is sufficient to give the human body one hell of a time.

But now, I am on my way to recovery, albeit a slow one. Hopefully, I shall be in the pink of the health by another couple of days.